想要长久的幸福，请不要做这7件事

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想要长久的幸福，请不要做这7件事

1. They compare their behavior now to their behavior when they dated. 他们总是拿现在的行为与他们恋爱时比较。

Couples are never more romantic than in the early days of a relationship. It's inevitable that some of the romance will fade over time. A spouse in an unhappy marriage might complain ‘you used to be so romantic! Unfortunately, the other partner's response is often a defensive one -- 'Hey, that was before we had three kids!很多夫妻婚后的关系都不会像刚开始恋爱时那么浪漫。随着时间的推移，浪漫不在也是不可避免的事实。不幸婚姻中的夫妻可能会抱怨另一半曾经是那么的浪漫。然后不幸的是，另一半的反应通常都是还击：嘿，那是我们在拥有三个孩子前的事了。

Instead of getting bogged down in the past, "see what happens when you tell your spouse you miss him or her”."Oftentimes it is intimacy that we are seeking with our spouse and anger only serves to push him or her away. Communication is the bridge to intimacy. When we feel connected with our spouse, we feel loved and valued." 与其受过去所牵绊，当事情发生时不如告诉你的另一半：你想念过去的他/她。时常当我们想要寻找夫妻间的亲密感觉时，愤怒往往会将另一半推开。沟通是达到亲密关系的桥梁。当我们感觉到自己和另一半连在一起时，我们也会感觉到被爱与被珍视。

2. They're pros at passive aggression. 他们总是将争吵愈演愈烈

The road to divorce is paved with passive aggressive digs.If your partner models contemptuous behavior, you'll most likely pick up that vibe and escalate the issue.The next time you argue, take note of how one person's attitude is contagious.Instead of matching attitude, stop the bad-attitude train. Listen respectively and try to figure out what exactly your partner is trying to say to you.通往离婚的道路上铺满了消极的相互攻击的陷阱。如果你的另一半正在效仿轻蔑的举止，你最好能够迅速觉察到并尽快采取措施解决问题。下一次当你们争吵时，可以注意一下一个人的态度是多么地容易传染。与其被传染，不如切断这个消极态度传染线。各自相互倾听彼此的声音，努力找出对方真正想要表达的意思。

3. They can't agree on who's right and who's wrong.在谁对谁错上他们很难达成一致

It's exhausting to be in a relationship with someone who has to have the final say in everything. Partners who need to be right at the expense of their loved one's feelings push each other away.在一段关系中碰到一个什么都得他/她说了算的另一半实在是一件令人筋疲力尽的事情。这样的人付出的代价就是将相爱的双方越推越远。

They try to get the other person to submit by shaming them, bullying them, out-smarting them or shutting them out. If you're a partner who constantly needs to be right, ask yourself: What's so important to my S.O. about this issue? What about it am I not seeing? This will shift the dynamic from adversarial to allied.他们试图通过羞辱，欺压，斗智或者让其出局等方式来迫使另一半听从自己。如果你也是这样的一个人，那么你需要问自己：是什么让你觉得由你来做决定如此重要？如果我不知道这件事情又会怎么样？这样也许可以帮助将敌对的状态转换为合作的状态。

4. They put in phone time instead of face time.他们更愿意通过电话沟通而不是当面沟通

We're all guilty of glancing at our phones when we should be engaging with our partners. But do it too often and it sends a powerful non-verbal message to your S.O.: Whatever I'm doing on my phone is far more important than you. 我们会因为在和伴侣相处时却总是盯着手机而感到愧疚。但当你经常这样做意味着一种强大的非语言信号：我在手机上忙的事情比你重要得多。

A starting place to move beyond the behavior could just be turning off, muting or putting your phone out of reach at dinner. This allows your partner your full attention and sends the nonverbal message that time together is important.想要改变这一切，可以从晚餐时关掉手机，或者静音，或者将手机放到其他地方开始。将你全部的注意力集中在另一半身上，这也会发出一个强大的非语言信号：我们在一起才是最重要的。

5. They allow their relationship to grow stale.他们任由两人的关系老去

If you want a long-term relationship to last, making an effort to share new and exciting experiences is essential. When couples fall into ruts and routines, they stop growing together and run the risk of growing apart.如果你想要一段能够长久持续的恋爱关系，那么你需要努力分享新的令人兴奋的体验。当一对夫妻陷入平凡琐事中，他们往往停止一起成长，这会增加分手的风险。

If you find yourself bored by your partner, trying something new together: go for a hike or schedule date nights again.如果你发现对你的另一半已经有些厌倦了，那么就一起去尝试一些新的东西吧：一起去徒步或者重新开始安排约会。

6. They lose sight of their partnership. 他们不关注对方

One thing unhappy couples have in common is losing sight of that unbreakable partnership. To regain that sense of partnership, try to actively show your partner how much you appreciate him or her.Pause for a moment when your partner comes home to welcome and embrace him or her.不幸夫妻的一个共性就是忽略了自己不可分离的另一半。为了重新获得夫妻间的亲密感，使者主动表示你很在乎和欣赏对方。当另一半回家时，停下手中的活，去迎接和拥抱他/她。

7. They don't touch.他们很少肢体接触

Don't underestimate the power of playful pinches on the bum and hand-holding in public. Human touch is a cornerstone of bonding and has been shown to drive up oxytocin.If you're in a relationship, make sure to do the little things: kiss each other when you say goodbye, hug more frequently or just hold hands while driving or watching TV. It will make a difference.不要低估了相互掐捏对方屁屁和在公众场合牵手的力量。肢体接触关系稳固的基石，并且被证明可以催生荷尔蒙。如果你正处在一段关系中，确保你们在做这些事情：吻别，经常拥抱或者时不时在开车或者看电视时牵手。这会给你们的关系带来改变。

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