...viewpoints and give your opinion？Admittedly，th...

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Some people say that government should pay for the health care and education but other people say that it is not the governments’ responsibility.Discuss the both viewpoints and give your opinion?

Admittedly,there is a growing tendency these days for the government to allocate money to health care and education(government spending on health and education increased significantl要好一些).Some people criticize that money of(spend by) the government should not be invested in those areas.However,they are oversimplying the situation.I take the attitude that government should be responsible for education and health care basically.(should take the responsibility to heath and education)

As authorities collect(as a part of government incomes) the tax revenue from taxpayers,government should found and offer valuable services.Therefore,government has an obligation to meet citizens’ need(demend).Especially,education and health care are very necessary(vitally important) to us.government policies will promote the welfare of all citizens(welfare benefits will benefit all citizens and also our future generations).Moreover,the development in education and health service has long run influences to our future,and it requires amount of money and energy(it needs huge amount of money and effort to achieve long run investigation),few countries can(could) enhance those services without government’s support.In addition,beyond nations’ healthy and knowledge,a country cannot talk about powerful strength.(without higher education and better health service,countries will not be competitive in the future in all sectors)

So if authorities have got enough disposable income,partly finance need to give priority to invest in education and medical development,by improving the quality of labourforces and making contribution to sustainable development.Simutaneiously there should be a limited amount of disposable income(disposable income is the inome after tax therefore,it's not suitable to use here.better just say government income) government is able to spend,as well as the quality of the public services is poor.Then the private organizations are appearing to make up this deficiency for profit.Since the citizens’ incomes are not all handed in the government,we can not call for whole medical and educational services from government.

In conclusion（to summarise,or to sum up...）,in term of education and health care,government must pay(not pay,should be take) the fundamental responsibility,for instance,the compulsory education and the lowest medical insurance.And through the private institutions the other services can satisfy the needs of individuals.

我觉得要改进的地方还有很多,如果对复杂词汇不熟悉的话,还是尽量用熟悉的词汇,然后构成连惯的句子.文章中有很多连词用的不是很对,还有词的用法也是错的.可能你词汇量是够的,但是语法还是要改进一下.

其他类似问题

问题1：请求高手帮忙批改雅思作文.A rise in the world’s population is having serious,negative effects on the environment.Some scientists believe that the only way to solve the problem is to set up a colony on the Moon.Others argue that the cost

As the society developing,a host of people have an idea that it is a siginificant issue to cope with the relationship between the population and the environment.Some people assert that the human being should immigrate to the moon,while others have an opposite point because of the high expense.For my perspective（这个短语不太舒服,不常见,建议换一个）,in order to have a sustainable life,we ought to take some measues（measures） to keep （a）balance between the population and the environment.

It is clear that immigrating on the moon seems to be a perfect option when the earth will（I perfer can) no longer suffer from the huge population pressure.However ,due to the limited technology nowadays,there is a long distance for human to achieve that goal.Although the modern technology is adequate for astronaut to wander in the universe (good!) and even to land on the moon,there would be a long time for scientist to send all human into (to就可以了） the moon.Additionally,It is known to us all,(delete ,)（that）we can not live in some place where there is no water and (or) no oxgen.We have to acknowledge that it would be a great expense for people to architect those infrastructure just like the other people said.(这句话不太逻辑上不太清晰.）

it is manifest that we should take some measures to deal with this serious problem.（建议不要重复上一段开头的句型,改为更加逻辑性的连接词）Above all,the most directly（direct） method is to have the population declined.The policy of birth control put forward by the chinese government was conducive for the decrease of population.Based on the birth control policy,a couple must only have one child,which make it possible for them to save a lot of money.And a host number of resources will remain for further use.Further more,we should use the limited energy on the earth effectively and environmentally.To begin with,（begin 什么?无谓的短语有点多了,让此段显得有点啰嗦） we should descend the use of fossil fuel,which would be disappear sooner or later.Inversely,the regenerated energy such as the solar energy,wind energy can be explored and utilized,which,as far as I am concerned,will play a positive role on enhacing envieonment condition in the future.（这一段混入了两个论据,需要分开一下.）

（少用due to）Due to the above-mentioned reasons,we can draw a conclusion that it is imperative for the human being to try their best to keep balance between the population and the environment,such as the birth control policy and the explorsion（拼错了吧呵呵） of the regenerate energy.Only taking these point（s） into consideration,can we have a sustainable life（结束语不错.）

总体来说很精彩哈.句型够丰富,词汇的水平体现的很到位.思路也很清晰.但是段与段之间的逻辑性再强一些就更好了.作为一篇考试文章,固定的段式和句式是可取的,但是如果那种套话用的太多了,反而会使文章失色.考试的时候如果有个现成的模板,就按照那个写,就会很安全.

祝你考试成功!

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你可以到新东方批改网上提交一下.专门批改作文的.我已经体验了好几篇粗批作文了,感觉老是给批改的确实很好,还会提出改进建议.但是我由于是考GRE的AW,实在是对自己的作文水平没有信心.

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批改作文不是三两分钟的事.没有报酬,没人花时间去做.简单说一下,你搞那么多1、2、3、4是什么意思.

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1.忌第一段后两句,严重模板嫌疑,会使考官有抵触情绪

2.文中长难句的使用过于刻意,且使用的较勉强,有句式疏漏和不地道的用法；水平未到者,建议长短句结合,不一定非要硬套长句.

3.你可以多看剑桥4~8的作文范围,切忌慎小嶷之类的作文模板,因为学生不好嫁接自然.

4.文中大致用到了所有较为流行的写作加分点：倒装,状语前置,从句复合等,且层次较为鲜明,但连接词的过度突出显示出了模板的俗套.

5.如此文章是你按规定时间40分钟内毫无参考的独立完成,那么水平在5.5+~6-

问题5：Students from rural areas often find it difficult to access universities education,so some people think universities should make it especially easy for them to study at.To what extend do you agree or disagree.作答：Currently,the students from rura

Hey,If I was a examiner,I would give you 5.

This issue is about "why universities should make it easy for rural student to study at." But you focused on the advantage of rural student entering university.You should develop your ideas based on the topic.

Besides,be careful for common mistakes and language problems.